Category: Customer Stories

lost playa love

Date: Wed, 6 Sep 2000
From: shay <lovn80styl_at_yahoo.com>
Subject: lost playa love

hi guys i was one of your many soulmates you tried to
find a mate for but to no avail the guy you gave me
wasn't the one. ironicaly though i helped direct a guy
to you and we had a wonderful time for the whole week
well as all romance stories go here is the glitch i
had his e-mail address and i washed it. we traded
costco cards and i have all of that info do you think
you might be able to connect me with him? what is your
policy

always going home to brc
shay

 

No soul mates at my Costco

Date: Thu, 17 Aug 2000
From: Bill Yontz <bill_yontz_at_countrywide.com>
Subject: Costco

Hello and thank you for putting up your fine website.
(http://www.thespoon.com/costco/) Wow, your store is really
big! The Costco near my house is nowhere near as big... it's
not even a FEW square miles.  They don't have soul mates at
my Costco, but there's a checkout babe that I want and to whom
I've been sending telepathic communications. She's really cute,
notwithstanding her racial handicap. You see she's an Inuit,
which means she has really small hands and feet. I know
that's a turnoff to some guys and she certainly will never
win any swimming contests, but I bet she would be a very low
maintenance girlfriend! To be honest, as long as she can work
the cash register she really doesn't need long fingers, so I
commend the folks at Costco for giving her a chance. After all,
we humans all need to feel useful and productive in society,
and Eskimos are NO EXCEPTION. I wonder if I could ever learn
to do that clicking sound with my mouth that she does when
she speaks her native tongue? If not, her family may shun
me. Dating is scary enough without cultural and linguistic
barriers, don't you think? I think that's why your Soulmate
idea is so great. My last girlfriend was homeless, which
was pretty cool because she was so appreciative of anything
I would do for her. For instance, if I brought her a bottle
of Night Train from the store she liked that a lot because
usually she would have to trade her body for some drink,
and then it would be a bottle that someone had already been
drinking from or maybe even urinated in. Or if I brought her
a clean blanket she would love me for it...even if I bought
it second hand from Goodwill and it had holes in it.  Sure,
her hygiene left something to be desired but what she lacked
in cleanliness she made up for in appreciation. Before that I
dated a runaway who lived at a halway house in Hollywood. She
was a lot of fun for the most part, but being abused as a
child left her with a really bad attitude and she was prone
to stealing. Also she was a "carver", meaning she would use a
sharp object to cut my name and names of musical groups into
her skin. Some guys have a fetish for chicks who carve but I
found it a bit disconcerting.  Sure, it was great her being
underage and so promiscous but the cons just outweighed the
pros so I had to break it off. Sorry for the digression...I
was originally writing to tell you that I really like your
idea and that I hope to convince my local Costco to follow
your lead. So getting back to the original subject, do you
think that if I brought my Inuit girlfriend anyone would want
her? Would she have trouble in the intense heat there in the
desert? You must remember that evolution has spent 50 thousand
years preparing her people for subzero temperatures. Also,
from a cultural perspective she may resent being traded so
I may have to bring her in a heavily tranquilized state. I'm
thinking Thorazine. Looking forward to you thoughts...

Yours in Christ,
Bill

 

Hostile Takeover Or Whatever You Want To Call It

Date: Sat, 11 Sep 1999
From: Ted Casino <ch_at_cardhouse.com>
Subject: Hostile Takeover Or Whatever You Want To Call It

RE: Takeover Attempt

It is my understanding that the recent kidnapping of a
Disgruntled Postal Worker in center camp was either part of
a hostile takeover attempt or a misguided action devised to
silence the Disgruntled Postal Worker's main point-of-purchase
attractant who was causing, or attempting to cause, a general
decline in applications at the Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet
through his relentless electronically-amplified badgering of
said applicants to abandon their place in line for a free copy
of the new Larry Harvey book entitled "Larry Harvey Speaks".

This Disgruntled Postal Worker (your author) would like to
thank the Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet for not dropping him on
the playa and treating him with "kid gloves" during this action.

Thank you.

Ted Casino
Disgruntled Postal Worker

Connection

Date: Wed, 30 Sep 1998
From: Launchpad <launchpad_at_wiredweb.com>
Subject: Connection

Thanks Rico..:) 

My soulmate actually got in touch w/me today.>:) Cool.: Eh..:)
hehehehe...  

BtW...that was the best theme camp in my opinion..:) hope
to see you back next year...:)    

LONG LIVE COSTCO SOULMATE TRADING OUTLET>>:)

Launchpad..:)

 

soulmate report

Date: Mon, 28 Sep 1998
From: "Eric Rachner" <erachner_at_aventail.com>
Subject: soulmate report

Eric of Montauk procured up one (1) Soulmate Voucher on
Thursday, referencing Angel of Nub Cirkus.  Contact was
established on Friday morning.  Subsequent sightings may have
occurred at Bianca's, underneath the Man, on the open playa, and
elsewhere, for the remainder of the festival.  Soulmate status
has transcended the originating context of Burning Man '98...

 

Login