Category: News

Costco Embraces a ‘Dolphin Safe’ Playa, Welcomes TV’s Flipper as Camp Mascot

Vows to Brings Fresh Fish To Burning Man 2002

BLACK ROCK CITY, NEV. – March 24, 2002 – Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet, Inc. (Burndaq: CSTO) the leading provider of low cost quality soulmates, announced a stretegic partnership with TV’s Flipper. Costco CEO Rico said, “We don’t usually venture into marketing agreements with Television has-beens, but bringing fish to the playa in the form of a once famous sea mammal was a perfect match.”

As part of the move to fully integrate Costco into the theme for the 2002 Burning Man festival, The Floating World, the corporation announced today that they would become the foremost supplier of fresh fish, as well as high quality soulmates in Black Rock City this year.

“Diversity in our inventory is something that Costco has strove for from day one,” Softie Softerson, Corporate Plumber and Director of Hot Water and Public Relations, “Supplying not only soulmates, but fresh seafood to this niche market seemed a natural progression for us.” His statements were made at a hastily prepared press conference at the Fisherman’s Terminal in Seattle. “See all these big fishing boats?” Softerson said, “This is the vision that Costco brings to Burning Man 2002. If the open playa is an empty ocean of solitude, Costco is an island oasis of warmth and companionship. Plus consider all the lonely fisherman that Costco will bring to Burning Man.”

The addition of the 1960’s television star, Flipper, to the camp roster, not only will raise Costco’s already high-profile, but offers a generation raised on television an opportunity to reflect on a time before reality-based drama and television courtrooms. “It harkens back to a time when a family could enjoy quality time with an exotic pet,” Softerson said.

The star of over 87 episodes, Flipper was actually a female bottle nosed dolphin named Mitzi, and employed a number of stand-ins, depending upon the particular stunt or scene the director demanded. The successful series ran 4 years, entertaining many households, before being cancelled in 1968. In 1995 Producers attempted a remake of the famed series, but could not ‘set the hook’ on American television audiences. However, the original series and the remake are a regular feature on Canadian TV. Although the American public has lost its fondness for the cackling bottlenose, our quaint neighbors to the north still find the underwater antics riveting.

Costco Soulmate trading outlet Vice President of Facilities, Jefe MacSprocket was quick to point out, via conference call onboard the corporate jet en-route to Thailand, that this undertaking was part of the company’s aggressive move toward globalization. “The required tanks and refrigeration are sure to put a strain on infrastructure at the Black Rock City location, but negotiations with Fridgidaire, and the Dough-boy pool corporation are moving forward. These strategic partnerships wil help keep the camp smelling fresh, and to make our guest of honor comfortable.”

Costco plans include bringing in Trout from Oregon, Salmon from Washington, Chilean Sea bass, and Halibut from the depths of the California coast. “This is not just about having fun in the Nevada Desert, this is about embracing a low fat, high protein, alternative to red meat,” said Eileen Princess, Vice President of Grub and Chief Kitchen Performance Artist. “Although the camp has in past years dined on purely vegetarian fare, who after about day five on the playa hasn’t wished for maguro or unagi?”

“While other organizations are reducing their workforce, Costco’s tremendous growth has allowed us to hire year after year,” announced Brenda Lynn, Vice President of Human Resources, from the steps of Sea World in San Diego. “Rather than scaling down the benefits we provide our employees, Costco has been able to ramp-up the package we offer to new and existing employees.” Still donning a black skintight wetsuit after a fact-finding mission at the marine park, she added, “We welcome the dolphin handlers, aquarium technicians, fishermen, and sushi chefs to the Costco family.”

The final phase of the plans calls for an exclusive marketing agreement with Red Lobster. “Primarily to take advantage of their snappy ads and deep fat fryers, but after a week on the playa, I’d kill for king crab,” said Rico. “The 2002 Burning Man participant should expect to see a bolder, leaner, and substantially fishy-er Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet.”

About Flipper

Flipper is the world-famous television series and the starring character played by Mitzi, the dolphin. More information may be found atwww.timvp.com/flipper.html.

About Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet

Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet (Burndaq: CSTO) is the leading provider of low-cost, quality soulmates in Black Rock City.

Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet and Enron Corporation Partner to Extend Financial Reach in Early FY2002

Enron Corporation Turns to Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet For 401k and Bookkeeping Guidance

BLACK ROCK CITY, NEV. – February 8, 2002 – Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet, Inc. (Burndaq: CSTO) the leading provider of low cost quality soulmates, today announced a strategic partnership with energy giant Enron. “Enron will take advantage of Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet’s expertise in the areas of employee satisfaction, public relations strategies, re-branding, and basic checkbook balancing in an admittedly difficult financial and political period,” said Softie Softerson, Corporate Plumber and Director of Hot Water and Public Relations for Black Rock City’s premier soulmate retail and wholesale outlet.

The arrangement was announced from the nation’s capital steps just prior to a third day of congressional questioning, arising from the bankrupt energy trader’s economic downturn. During the previous day’s testimony, under questioning before Congress, former Enron Corp. Chief Executive Jeffrey Skilling shouldered no blame for Enron’s lower than expected fourth and first quarter performance and said he had no reason to believe it was in financial trouble when he left last August. “I was at Burning Man, to be honest,” Skilling said, “exploring exciting partnership opportunities with Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet CEO Rico.” Skilling added that a ‘Fresh Start’ for all displaced Enron executives and employees alike, has been realized via a partnership with the Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet.

Grilled by a congressional panel probing off-the-books partnerships and creative pro forma accounting at what was once America’s seventh-largest company, Skilling said he was “devastated by and apologetic about what Enron has come to represent, but looked forward to interviewing prospective soulmates naked at the Burning man festival later this year.”

Costco CEO, Rico, commenting via satellite link from the corporate headquarters, stated that not only do the displaced Enron workers offer a great growth opportunity for the retailer, but increases it’s base of soulmates significantly. “Workers these days don’t worry about being fired or laid off, but about being ‘Enron-ed.’ Politicians wonder about ‘Enron-izing’ the economy. Financial experts talk of ‘Enron-itis’ when discussing the shock effect the company’s demise has had on the market,” Rico said. “We felt it essential that the process of ‘Enron-mating’ be offered as a option to a growing market demand. This is a thrilling partnership. We’d like a chance to be America’s seventh-largest company too. Except we, like know how to balance our checkbook and stuff.”

Brenda Lynn, VP of Human Resources, added that Costco looked forward to welcoming its new employees to the Costco family. The increase in employees, an addition of as many as 4600 assimilated former Enron employees, up from 346 employees in 2001, would dramatically increase the reach of the Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet. “This is a great swelling in our membership,” said Lynn. “This kind of impressive growth embodies the spirit of Costco. In the current hard economic climate, some companies find their growth flagging, while others continue to grow. We find these examples of corporate virility very exciting.”

About Enron Corp.

Enron Corp. markets electricity and natural gas, delivers energy and other physical commodities, and provides financial and risk management services to customers around the world. Enron’s Internet address is www.enron.com.

About Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet

Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet (Burndaq: CSTO) is the leading provider of low-cost, quality soulmates in Black Rock City.

Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet Sponsors Burning Man

Repeat Costco Sponsorship Helps Burning Man Shed Weirdstock Image

BLACK ROCK CITY, NEV. – May 1, 2001 – Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet, Inc. (Burndaq: CSTO) the leading provider of low cost quality soulmates, announced today that Costco will again be the official sponsor of the Burning Man Festival.

“We are proud to continue this historic relationship,” said Costco CEO, Rico. “Last year was the first time the Burning Man organization has accepted sponsorship. It is a great honor to be Burning Man’s sole sponsor.”

The relationship between Costco and Burning Man stretches back a dozen years. “We were there from the beginning,” states Sean Lazar, a Costco founding member. “You could almost say that as Costco grew, Burning Man grew with it.”

And now Costco has the chance to help the Burning Man organization further expand its financial base. “While it’s a great opportunity to attach our name to the great brand image that Burning Man has built up in a very do-it-yourself, wholesaler-friendly demographic,” remarks Cricket Farr, Vice-President of Corporate Communications, “I think that Burning Man will benefit equally through its affiliation with us.”

Burning Man stands to benefit from Costco’s sponsorship on a number of levels. The trusted Costco brand will bring the kind of dependability that middle America desires. The discipline and organization of Costco’s corporate structure will bring order to the chaos of conflicting artistic and creative needs of Burning Man-related organizations.

As with previous year’s Burning Man Festivals, Costco plans publicity with its retail partner, Costco Wholesale (Nasdaq: COST), the familiar global wholesale chain. This would provide Burning Man an unprecedented level of consumer awareness in the mainstream media. At selected stores, Costco will have Burning Man displays, drawings to win a trip to Black Rock City, fire performers at the top of every hour, free samples of playa dust, and will be selling ‘Build-Your-Own-Man’ kits, along with other merchandise. “It’s a chance to take what has been, up until now, a fringe event and really push it into the public consciousness,” said Farr.

“The great thing about this relationship,” said Rico, “is that since Black Rock City is our warehouse, from which we draw our inventory, the more people at Burning Man, the bigger our supply of soulmates. At the end of the day, it’s a win-win situation.”

About Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet

Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet (Burndaq: CSTO) is the leading provider of low-cost, quality soulmates in Black Rock City.

Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet Sponsors the Human Genome

Secret Messages in Human Genome CD Reveal Long-Time Burning Man Institution’s Corporate Sponsorship

BLACK ROCK CITY, NEV. – March 4, 2001 – Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet is proud to announce its sponsorship of the Human Genome. The Human Genome CD, which contains the three billion bases of the human genome compressed to fit on a single compact disc, also contains the message “This human genome is brought to you by Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet- providing high quality soulmates to Burning Man residents since 1997.” This CD has been placed in the millennium time capsule in the Smithsonian, and has also been presented to notables such as Bill Clinton- former US President, and Dr. James Watson- one of the original discoverers of DNA.

“We are really glad to do for the human genome what we have done for soulmates- which is to provide the highest possible quality at the lowest possible price,” states Pok� Suav�, Vice President of Facilities for Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet. “The analysis of the human genome shares many computational similarities with the process we use to select appropriate soulmates. However, concerns that we will be using genetic tests as a basis for soulmate selection during Burning Man 2001 are entirely unfounded.”

About Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet

Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet (Burndaq: CSTO) is the leading provider of low-cost, quality soulmates in Black Rock City.

Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet Attracts New Employees with Toyota Wagons

Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet Stays in Fast Lane With Creative Recruiting Strategy

BLACK ROCK CITY, Nev. – June 18, 2000 – Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet, Inc. (Burnaq: CSTO) the leading provider of low cost quality soulmates, today announced a new program to recruit staff by offering ’86 Toyota Tarcel Wagons to employees who join the Black Rock City Location by Opening Day, August 28, 2000. Additionally, Black Rock City residents who recommend candidates who are hired get a stock grant for 500 CSTO shares.

Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet recently announced an enormous growth in not only revenues, up 624% year over year, but also a tremendous growth in the number of employees, up from 252 last year to 291 this last quarter. This new program is part of an ongoing effort to ensure a high level of employee recruiting to help meet Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet’s aggressive hiring objectives. Across the company, Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet is expecting to hire hundreds of employees this year. Standard retention programs include employee referral bonuses, the Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet Wellness campaign (B-WELL), employee stock options and flexible work schedules.

“The tremendous successes on the business side of Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet is driving us to get creative to attract employees,” said Mark Simms, vice president of human resources at Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet. “The free cars are part of one more program that we will be using that reflects the culture at Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet. Not only do we care about our employees, but we care about the community as well. Plus we had a few of these old cars we wanted to get rid of.”

“Knowing that our existing employees have relationships with other businesses in Black Rock City, we wanted to leverage those relationships and reward both our employees and the new recruit for joining the team,” said Rico, CEO of Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet. “This is why we decided to do the stock grant, to give back to the community while demonstrating our continued commitment to scaling our world-class team and demonstrating the value we place on individual employees.”

Potential employees interested in full or part time employment in Black Rock CIty should contact Costco Human Resources.

About Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet

Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet (Burndaq: CSTO) is the leading provider of low-cost, quality soulmates in Black Rock City.

Login