Enron Corporation Turns to Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet For 401k and Bookkeeping Guidance
BLACK ROCK CITY, NEV. – February 8, 2002 – Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet, Inc. (Burndaq: CSTO) the leading provider of low cost quality soulmates, today announced a strategic partnership with energy giant Enron. “Enron will take advantage of Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet’s expertise in the areas of employee satisfaction, public relations strategies, re-branding, and basic checkbook balancing in an admittedly difficult financial and political period,” said Softie Softerson, Corporate Plumber and Director of Hot Water and Public Relations for Black Rock City’s premier soulmate retail and wholesale outlet.
The arrangement was announced from the nation’s capital steps just prior to a third day of congressional questioning, arising from the bankrupt energy trader’s economic downturn. During the previous day’s testimony, under questioning before Congress, former Enron Corp. Chief Executive Jeffrey Skilling shouldered no blame for Enron’s lower than expected fourth and first quarter performance and said he had no reason to believe it was in financial trouble when he left last August. “I was at Burning Man, to be honest,” Skilling said, “exploring exciting partnership opportunities with Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet CEO Rico.” Skilling added that a ‘Fresh Start’ for all displaced Enron executives and employees alike, has been realized via a partnership with the Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet.
Grilled by a congressional panel probing off-the-books partnerships and creative pro forma accounting at what was once America’s seventh-largest company, Skilling said he was “devastated by and apologetic about what Enron has come to represent, but looked forward to interviewing prospective soulmates naked at the Burning man festival later this year.”
Costco CEO, Rico, commenting via satellite link from the corporate headquarters, stated that not only do the displaced Enron workers offer a great growth opportunity for the retailer, but increases it’s base of soulmates significantly. “Workers these days don’t worry about being fired or laid off, but about being ‘Enron-ed.’ Politicians wonder about ‘Enron-izing’ the economy. Financial experts talk of ‘Enron-itis’ when discussing the shock effect the company’s demise has had on the market,” Rico said. “We felt it essential that the process of ‘Enron-mating’ be offered as a option to a growing market demand. This is a thrilling partnership. We’d like a chance to be America’s seventh-largest company too. Except we, like know how to balance our checkbook and stuff.”
Brenda Lynn, VP of Human Resources, added that Costco looked forward to welcoming its new employees to the Costco family. The increase in employees, an addition of as many as 4600 assimilated former Enron employees, up from 346 employees in 2001, would dramatically increase the reach of the Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet. “This is a great swelling in our membership,” said Lynn. “This kind of impressive growth embodies the spirit of Costco. In the current hard economic climate, some companies find their growth flagging, while others continue to grow. We find these examples of corporate virility very exciting.”
About Enron Corp.
Enron Corp. markets electricity and natural gas, delivers energy and other physical commodities, and provides financial and risk management services to customers around the world. Enron’s Internet address is www.enron.com.
About Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet
Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet (Burndaq: CSTO) is the leading provider of low-cost, quality soulmates in Black Rock City.