Vows to Brings Fresh Fish To Burning Man 2002
BLACK ROCK CITY, NEV. – March 24, 2002 – Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet, Inc. (Burndaq: CSTO) the leading provider of low cost quality soulmates, announced a stretegic partnership with TV’s Flipper. Costco CEO Rico said, “We don’t usually venture into marketing agreements with Television has-beens, but bringing fish to the playa in the form of a once famous sea mammal was a perfect match.”
As part of the move to fully integrate Costco into the theme for the 2002 Burning Man festival, The Floating World, the corporation announced today that they would become the foremost supplier of fresh fish, as well as high quality soulmates in Black Rock City this year.
“Diversity in our inventory is something that Costco has strove for from day one,” Softie Softerson, Corporate Plumber and Director of Hot Water and Public Relations, “Supplying not only soulmates, but fresh seafood to this niche market seemed a natural progression for us.” His statements were made at a hastily prepared press conference at the Fisherman’s Terminal in Seattle. “See all these big fishing boats?” Softerson said, “This is the vision that Costco brings to Burning Man 2002. If the open playa is an empty ocean of solitude, Costco is an island oasis of warmth and companionship. Plus consider all the lonely fisherman that Costco will bring to Burning Man.”
The addition of the 1960’s television star, Flipper, to the camp roster, not only will raise Costco’s already high-profile, but offers a generation raised on television an opportunity to reflect on a time before reality-based drama and television courtrooms. “It harkens back to a time when a family could enjoy quality time with an exotic pet,” Softerson said.
The star of over 87 episodes, Flipper was actually a female bottle nosed dolphin named Mitzi, and employed a number of stand-ins, depending upon the particular stunt or scene the director demanded. The successful series ran 4 years, entertaining many households, before being cancelled in 1968. In 1995 Producers attempted a remake of the famed series, but could not ‘set the hook’ on American television audiences. However, the original series and the remake are a regular feature on Canadian TV. Although the American public has lost its fondness for the cackling bottlenose, our quaint neighbors to the north still find the underwater antics riveting.
Costco Soulmate trading outlet Vice President of Facilities, Jefe MacSprocket was quick to point out, via conference call onboard the corporate jet en-route to Thailand, that this undertaking was part of the company’s aggressive move toward globalization. “The required tanks and refrigeration are sure to put a strain on infrastructure at the Black Rock City location, but negotiations with Fridgidaire, and the Dough-boy pool corporation are moving forward. These strategic partnerships wil help keep the camp smelling fresh, and to make our guest of honor comfortable.”
Costco plans include bringing in Trout from Oregon, Salmon from Washington, Chilean Sea bass, and Halibut from the depths of the California coast. “This is not just about having fun in the Nevada Desert, this is about embracing a low fat, high protein, alternative to red meat,” said Eileen Princess, Vice President of Grub and Chief Kitchen Performance Artist. “Although the camp has in past years dined on purely vegetarian fare, who after about day five on the playa hasn’t wished for maguro or unagi?”
“While other organizations are reducing their workforce, Costco’s tremendous growth has allowed us to hire year after year,” announced Brenda Lynn, Vice President of Human Resources, from the steps of Sea World in San Diego. “Rather than scaling down the benefits we provide our employees, Costco has been able to ramp-up the package we offer to new and existing employees.” Still donning a black skintight wetsuit after a fact-finding mission at the marine park, she added, “We welcome the dolphin handlers, aquarium technicians, fishermen, and sushi chefs to the Costco family.”
The final phase of the plans calls for an exclusive marketing agreement with Red Lobster. “Primarily to take advantage of their snappy ads and deep fat fryers, but after a week on the playa, I’d kill for king crab,” said Rico. “The 2002 Burning Man participant should expect to see a bolder, leaner, and substantially fishy-er Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet.”
Flipper is the world-famous television series and the starring character played by Mitzi, the dolphin. More information may be found atwww.timvp.com/flipper.html.
About Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet
Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet (Burndaq: CSTO) is the leading provider of low-cost, quality soulmates in Black Rock City.