Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet Management
Rico Thunder, CEO and Founder
Mr. Thunder is a eight-year Burning Man veteran and a founding board member of Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet. He is also a board member of Big Yellow House and Spoon Enterprises. In other lives, he is a writer, performer, artist, and mischief maker. After last year, he up and quit his corpo job and devoted himself to his art fulltime.
Rico is the head of the best family you’ve ever had. He will push you to your limits, and then some. And you’ll thank him for it. He come in many forms; . Sometimes he makes severely alcoholic red drinks. Sometimes he is the one giving you nipple shots. Sometimes he’s hurling a couch into the fire. Sometimes he’s fixing the shower so you can be clean mid-week. Sometimes he’s asking for your hand in marriage. He’s always covered in playa dust.
Princess, VP of Kissing Princess joins us for her third year at CSTO, and her fifth year at Burning man. After years of fulfilling a much needed place as kissing facilitator in a sanctioned yet unofficial capacity, Princess will be lending both her expertise in kissing facilitation and drinking empowerment to the CSTO Lounge. Her three step plan involves suggestion, witty needling, and example to ensure both high quality and high quantity kissing in camp and on the playa. Princess is also a writer, a compulsive singer, and an expert at manifesting her will.
RiteAid Annie, VP Human Resources
Ms. Annie joins us this year at our Black Rock City Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet location. Good with people, inquisitive, and intuitive, Ms. Annie brings a multitude of talents to CSTO. She can dance flamenco, identify children’s shoe sizes on sight, and tie cherry stems with her tongue. Additionally, she is a major kiss ass.
Salty T. Seal III, Director of Employee Education and Training
Mr. Seal is a long time Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet customer and former participant of Costco’s exchange student co-op program. He joins us from Vancouver. The one in Canada. Having been “gleeful beyond measure” with the corporate life and product quality found at Costco, Mr. Seal chose to launch his career with the company. When not merrily serving the Costco clientele, Mr. Seal can be found dancing on floats in small town parades or contemplating “Zen and the art of neat stuff.”
Dr. Adrian “Age” Nankivell, Acting VP of Corporate Hospitality
Dr. Nankivell is a two-year Burning Man veteran and is responsible for Costco drink and entertainment. Dr. Nankivell is one of the world’s foremost creative alcoholic artists, and has long been considered to be the finest example of the Boozism movement. His works exhibited at BM’99 and BM’00 are believed to be amongst his most effective, notably the Frozen Berry Daiquiri, the Watermelon Margarita and the Playa Zombie. Dr. Nankivell divides his time equally between Black Rock Playa, Concrete Cow City (UK), and the Betty Ford Clinic.
Shakes McFadden, Senior Bartender So named after a terrible bout with the DTs, Mr. McFadden joins us for his third year as Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet bartender and umpteenth time on the playa. Serving up gallons of his, patent-pending, Shakes Red to the wonderful Costco clientele with such grace and style, its hard to believe he is not gay. This year he hopes to introduce thirsty playa dwellers to some new refreshing, yet incredibly high in alcohol, concoctions that he has been cooking up in his leaky basement. Coming from our Neighbor to the North, Canada, Mr. McFadden likes drinking real beer and the occasional make-out session with Mr. Thunder.
Abelicious, Senior Barmaid
Ms. Licious comes to us via our Canadian Corporate Overlords, the KBK and will be celebrating her fourth anniversary with both BM and Costco in 2003. She has accended through the ranks with surprising speed and ease. Due to a substance related illness by a fellow Kamp Kanada member, she was flung into corporate drugery purely by coincidence and decided to stay. She brokered the successful corporate buyout of Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet and it’s subsidiaries by Kamp Kanada in FY2000. Fiscal year 2001 found abelicious pouring potent potables for parched punters in the Costco Corporate Hospitality Center. This year, her position has moved from the KBK Corporate Headquarters to Costco, in favour of Princess’ culinary delights, promotion potential and well, keeping an eye on Shakes. Ms. Licious is the founder of the Kanadian Kissing Kamp and plans to bring the spirit of its mission statment to Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet. Last year she married her BoyToy on the Playa.
Softie Softerson, Corporate Director of Hot Meals and Human Resource Refueling
has steadily moved himself both upward and downward within the Costco corporate structure in the past year.. His first year was spent over- extending himself, helping all, never saying no. Year two brought a suprise promotion. As Director of Corporate Plumbing and Public Relations, he helped to connect Costco to the events of the day. His well written press releases offered the Burningman community that bridge back to reality, by developing and launching the ‘Costco Public Relations reality integration system’. The overall goal of this system was to continue the connection with the evil, unfair, and unsavory real world that so many burners need on a daily basis. After an intensive session of anti-assistance training from the Facilities department, Softerson has stepped up ( or down) to a less taxing role ( depending upon who you ask) as Executive Chef of the Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet. His years of training with top chefs make this transition not only logical, but the best move for the management team to make for 2003. By giving up the witty reparte’ that is the Softerson press release in these tough economic times, Costco has reallocated an important asset to a department that is essential to the sucess of the corporation.
Hank Chinaski, Senior Grub Consultant and Kitchen Performance Artist
Mr. Chinaski returns as kitchen manager. He comes to us by way of the Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet, Seattle Location. Mr. Chinaski will be helping out in the kitchen and however else he can make himself useful. He is adept at origami, marbling, 3D photography, and driving in reverse. In 1994 he met God, and found out it is us. He looks good painted blue or green.
Angel Face, Grub Consultant and Kitchen Performance Artist
Angelface is proud to be back for her second year on the playa, and second year with Costco. She looks forward to utilizing the vast kitchen experience, gained under the direction of Princess, in Mr. Softerson�s kitchen this year. Angel is also looking forward to practicing her newly learned poi skills out an the playa, and hopes they may even let her use real fire some day. In her spare time, Angelface enjoys being distracted by shiny objects, listening to live music, swimming nude, and making out with beautiful strangers.
Johnny “Rebel Yell” Hirst, Grub Consultant and Kitchen Performance Artist
Mr. Hirst resume describes him as a wildcard, an unknown, first-timer, a greenhorn, the x variable, the new guy. He joins us at Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet for his first year at Burning Man. As his fame grows slowly in the world of radio, he hopes someday to have a cup of coffee with Terry Gross, or just to snog with her on-air. Mr. Hirst is somehwat unclear on social norms and hopes to learn civilized behavior from the citizens of Black Rock City. He brings to costco mad cooking skills and little fear of the Guatemalan insanity pepper.
Grub Consultant and Kitchen Performance Artist
Now hiring! This position is responsible for making some tasty-ass grub and managing the kitchen for one meal every two to three days. Both food preparation and some management experience will ensure that this position doesn’t make you a whacked out nut incapable of providing for even your own needs let alone the needs of twenty-five starving CSTO employees. But it’s fun. Really.
Jefe MacSprocket, VP of Facilities
A crusty and steely eyed Burning Man veteran, Mr. MacSprocket rejoins Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet this year in search of the sense of pride and individuality that only a faceless megalithic corporation can provide. In order to provide excellent customer service, he plans on blending the caring nature of the IRS, the efficiency of the DMV, and the subtle marketing message of Pepsico. He also likes giving out PEZ and blowing stuff up. As VP of Facilities he is responsible for making sure that every goddamn last bottle opener and extension cord gets on the truck going to Black Rock City. Here’s a fact: He fucking rocks. CSTO could not have happened without him.
Director of Pre-Event Facilities
Now hiring! This position is responsible for gathering materials pre-event, coordinating the master facilities list, and for doing the evil bidding of the VP of Facilities. They will serve as whipping boy if the VP of Facilities forgets even so much as a zip tie or roll of duct tape. It is a pretty huge responsibility and requires organization and a lot of energy. SF Bay Area local preferred.
CuteSteve Wells, Director of On-Site Facilities
Joining the CSTO team for his second year, Mr. Wells has been charged with making Mr. Thunder and Mr. McSprocket’s lives better. Powered by vast amounts of coffee, optimism in the face of all logic, and existential angst, Mr. Wells’ job is to help make setting up the camp as efficient as possible. In order to train for this difficult assignment Mr. Wells has spent an intensive 8 months listening to efficient German techno. This has caused him to develop a very German “it must be EFFICIENT” mindset, and to punctuate his sentences by making sharp chopping motions of his hands. Or he could just be dancing, we’re not sure.
BillnotDave, Director of Corporate Espionage and Counter Intelligence
BillnotDave is responsible for site security, on-site removal of Evil Hippy Guy, security of the executive staff, and leadship of the espionage and counter intelligence arm of CSTO. Following the principle that the best defense is a good offense, BillnotDave protects the interests of Costco with a strong front of aggressive conviviality. He is willing to make almost any sacrifice, be it French kissing, over-eating, or composing haiku, to ensure that CSTO’s corporate interests are maintained. He believes as Carlyle noted, “a mystic bond of brotherhood makes all men one.” For a man who’s job requires him to be professionally invisible, he is surprisingly photogenic.
Herr Wilhelm Erik Johann von Schleprocken III, Chief Technology Officer
Herr von Schelprocken joins the Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet for the first time this year as the chief creator of Computer-driven headaches. Employing a host of “productivity tools” to cripple productivity, Herr von Schelprocken is full of the megalomanical fervor and paranoia typical of boys in geekdom. And just like all those other computer guys you’ve come across, if you leave your backdoor open, say for lpr or rfs, he will port scan you and root kit your ass in seconds, and next thing you know a top or a ps -ef will be showing you his picture of the universe while behind your back he’s running a smtp mail relay on port 25 telling your friends and relations that he can sell them Herbal Viagra on the cheap.
Brenda “Caliente” Lynn, VP Hotness
Ms. Lynn has been with Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet for three years. Her main duties will consist of tying cherry stems with her tongue, twirling in sparkly dresses, and crinkling up her nose while saying “what?”. Oh yeah, and she’s single-handedly responsible for recruiting, interviewing, hiring, and employee training. Know this: Brenda is hot. She hopes to be promoted to free-samples-on-toothpicks-lady. To the grave danger of everyone around her, Ms. Lynn is also a novice fire twirler.
Jezebel Fifu, Chief Officer of MOOP Reduction and Acting Hydration Control Officer Jezebel Fifu triumphantly returns for Year Five at Burning Man. As Chief Officer of MOOP Reduction she will see to it that we all keep our beloved camp clean. As Acting Hydration Control Officer she will keep you wet and juicy. She is currently reseatrchingways to sneak Gatorade and EmergenCvitamin powder packs into unsuspecting CSTO employees. She has been honing her soulmate coding skills all year long by by labelling her groceries with such codes as AF8 – FH- 00001 and SM10-FH- 77776. She will be bringing a plethora of netting in every color of the rainbow for CSTO wardrobing or impromtu weddings. In addition, she is proud to announce the ‘Jezebel Beauty Salon’ that will open its doors for the first time ever at Burning Man next to her white camper van, featuring a multitude of gorgeous nail polish shades for your grooming pleasure.
Boytoy Dykstra, Customer Service Associate
Often confused as Rico Thunder, esp. while wearing his glasses, Boy Toy Dykstra is a CSTO fanatic.�As one of the CSTO Canadian Overlords he has camped with CSTO EVERY single time he’s stayed at BRC.� He’s been useful in several positions including: Cust. Associate, Bar Wench, Tent pole, Ladder, (p)MOOP Scooper, and even the strong arm for firing CEO’s.� This year he hopes to reprise his role as everybody’s bitch, and will be dispensing Canadian style kisses, and Boy Toy style hugs.�Oh, and he’s kinda tall.�
Lieneke, Customer Service Associate
Ms. Lieneke (pronounced Lee-nuh-kuh, or Lello for short) is attending Burning Man, and joining the CSTO team, for the first time this year. She brings to Costco many skills and aptitudes include: marine biological research (which, in all honesty, might not be that useful in Black Rock City), dancing like no one is watching and ending up in ridiculous photographs. She can also be relied upon to be 10 minutes late, provide hugs to all that require them and wear the bare minimum. She will endeavour to use these skills with imagination to bring the best possible soulmates to the people of Burning Man.
Samantha, Customer Service Associate
Ms. Samantha hails from the sunny and porn-laden San Fernando Valley in Southern California. While she has also been referred to as “hey you” and “come back with that pen,” she prefers the anonymity that one-word names provide. She brings with her 2 prior years of Burning Man experience, ideas on corporate culture that have been banned by her current superiors, and a helluvalotta chutzpah. She brings to CSTO a host of talents, including the ability to bust into awe-inspiring rap on a moment’s notice, getting kicked out of Tupperware parties, and fondly gazing into the distance at nothing in particular.
Agent Vanilla, Customer Service Associate
Ms. Vanilla comes to us by way of the Royal Candian Mounted Police where she worked deep undercover in the War on Rugs, the Afganistani effort to smuggle cheap Persian carpets into the U.S. via Canada to fund Terrorist cells throughout the world. She is an excellent marksman, an expert in electronic surveillence, and a master of disguises. She is joining Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet for her first time this year and enjoying her first foray outside of covert operations in thirty years. She is affiliated with Mr. McFadden in complex ways, including birth parentage.
G. Gambo, Customer Service Associate and Corporate Big Booty
Due to the early arrival of Little Gambina and a heaping portion of loving insistence from the insanely awesome Gurl, Mr. Gambo (G.G.O.O.A.A.F.L.G.) is surprised to be rejoining the CSTO team for a second year. No longer a Burning Man Virgin, the Big G has been promoted to full-fledged Neophyte and part-time Greenhorn. As a result, El Gambolonius intends to up his kissing quotient this year by a significant amount and to cut back on saying, “Oh wow, look at that!” by 37%. Flexible and spontaneous, the Gambonator always responds quickly to the rallying cry, “Hey, you gotta come see this!!” And yes, he’s bringing a lot of pictures of Gambina. Gambo’s Secret Goal: convince the U.N. to settle all disputes by playing an enormous game of Samurai Ro Sham Bo. Get ready BRC, it’s time for: Big Booty, Big Booty, Big Booty! Oh yeah!
Leopardhead, Customer Service Associate
Mr. Leopardhead is a 2nd year Burning Man and CSTO professional. He is a writer, designer and wise ass. His motto is “If I can make just one person laugh.” And he often succeeds at this. He is easily distracted by shiny objects and likes to touch soft things. He can whirl a mean dervish. Since his last servitude to CSTO he has been studying tribal spiritual dance. He is a competitive amateur masseuse…masseur…massage-giving guy. A resident of Hollwood, he is no stranger to menial labor, sucking up or revering flawed mortals as gods. This year Leopardhead is pleased to be escorting his official CSTO soul mate match from 2002 to the PROMiscuity. He’s not just an employee he’s a client.
Ragin’ Cajun Kadgien , Customer Service Associate will be joining the Costo team from Victoria B.C., the garden city, for the first time this year. An over excited playa-virgin, Chelsie hopes to use the skills she’s obtained through countless peon-type positions to be the best Costo Customer Service Associate possible. While most of these skills include blocking out the sound of screaming customers and appearing busy while not doing much of anything, she also brings some useful experiences, such as high-volume bartending (in Scotland), and high-speed veggie chopping. Her background also includes 80 000 000 years of modern dance, a passion for black and white photography, a mean muppet impression, and an amazing ability to exaggerate everything. She also does a mean Muppet dance. Chelsie is looking forward to joining the Costo team this year, and comes in saying: “Please be gentle. Its my first time.”
MissHell Customer Service Associate The lovely MissHell, from Brooklyn NY, will be joining the Costco staff for the first time. She had so much fun last year hanging out in the bar that she just knew Costco was the camp for her in 2003. An utter hellraiser at one time, she has decided to repent for her former life in organized crime by recently taking a vow of poverty as a social worker. When she is not salvaging what is left from the garden that is regularly attacked by rats and peed on by alleycats, MissHell enjoys running amok with a group of local miscreants.
IHOP Fidel, Customer Service Associate Returning for a second helping of CSTO hospitality, Fidel has vowed to move beyond his “extra handed” dealings of the past, for a chance at becoming a Catholic Schoolgirl. As he planned on coming alone, he will not have an �extra one of those� this year. He is currently unemployed but is hopefully practicing phrases such as �may I take your order� and �do you want fries with that�. He brings to Costco his warped personality, skewed wit, off color remarks, and a cute little black dress.